God in My Heart

1 Corinthians

Today I am stuck at a Bus Stop of horrors. The Bus Stop that you stand in alone while you watch the world swirl around you. The Bus Stop called reflection.

We call it Independence Day. I have four significant Independence Days in my life.

#1. I met him. He asked me to dance.
#2. I married him 3 years later to the day.
#3. I realized 20 years later it was over.
#4. I am truly free indeed!

The first Bus Stop was a bar. Never, ever marry a man you meet in a bar. But I was young and naive and Daddy was loaded so I was appealing.

You cannot lie before God. You’ll trip up somehow. During the vows he said, “For richer or richer.” The congregation laughed. I gasped. Yes, Daddy pulled loose the purse strings for this wedding feast. We had an orchestra play and an open bar.

The bar stayed open for the deceiver. The purse strings were flowing and he was showered with it all. I was the Biblical wife who bowed down to her husband. But this was not a husband.

I dangled my pearls before a swine and he took every pearl from me until I was nothing but an empty shell. I lived to please him and he lived to curse, steal, drink and deceive.

At significant Independence Day #3 He announced, “I gave you what you wanted, four children,” while he threw a Walmart bag with red roses in it at me.

“You could at least have gotten yellow roses…they were our wedding flower,” I spat back at him. The four gifts he gave
me were confused and started crying. He went to lay in his hammock.

I stood at the sliding glass door looking down at the man I married, who was not a man at all. I struggled to see the light through the darkness of this marriage. I was married till death do us part. But after also receiving the gift of four STDs during our marriage I knew I had an out. A legal out in God’s Kingdom.

So I cried to my Heavenly Father how do I do this alone?! He answered me with His loving embrace and held throughout the subsequent painful months. He put the people in my path who would help me and he removed the people from my life who did not belong.

So every Independence Day I shout to the heavens for I am truly free indeed. I reflect on my mistakes, but I treasure them all the same because they made me who I am today.

This is The Bus Stop called reflection. I relive the nights of darkness and I praise God that Jesus held my hand and walked me through my darkest days.

I praise Him for His loving hand that provides all things I need. Sometimes He gives me my wants too. Because my God is a loving God who always gives me good things.

Every tear I have shed turns into living water for my soul. I know what love is now. I know what love isn’t. I can recognize those who hide their hearts in blocks of ice and I pray for them.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love should not be stirred up or awakened until it pleases.

Do you know what love is?

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