Sometimes we must wander. Sometimes we lose our way to The Bus Stop. Sometimes we wander through the wilderness before we find our perfect Bus Stop. The old familiar Bus Stop where I spent so many mornings with Hope is a flicker from our past. The old familiar ways were catapulted into our memories as God turned our world upside down. What began as a storm, with the world quaking underneath our feet ended last night as the sun set. I had fallen in an abyss. I had started to believe the lies that were whispered in my ears and I let the fear of man overtake me. But last night, as I watched the sun set, the fear of man left me and the fear of God became a fresh blanket on my soul.
Over the last four months God has blessed me and Satan has cursed me. I usually call on the name of the Lord in distress and trouble but this time I let the world’s burdens carry me down and bury me in brackish waters of self-pity and distress. I have gone through what the world calls the greatest stressors…a new job and a new house.
Actually, I had been blessed with my dream job, in a beautiful brand new building. It was a building which I beheld in great awe and magnificence. I was there the day the empty walls and vacant rooms were brought to life with extravagant furniture and accessories. I sat with my new friends God sent to me assembling lamps to light the rooms. These two friends helped light my way for the next few weeks until God called them elsewhere. We are the light of the world. They were my light and my encouragement for a time. It was a beautiful time as we became friends and invigorated each other as our work became a burden. A burden too much to bear and two of my friends were called to be His lights elsewhere.
As they departed, I felt defeated. They were my sounding boards. They listened and encouraged me. They radiated God’s love and understanding. How would I cope in the uncertainty? People come and go in our lives. We must dance with them and then we must mourn when we no longer have their smiles to gaze upon or their daily words to encourage us.
I became the sounding board to new faces. My office became the stomping grounds of those crying in misery and defeat. Other people left because of their misery. It was a beautiful new building yet the atmosphere was nauseating. I cried to God to help me. My children wanted to know what was wrong with me every time I came home. I wasn’t myself anymore. My joy was gone. My laughter was hidden behind the lies and insecurity poured over me by the enemy.
During all this time in my new position I was told I must move out of my house, my home for seven years. A house that saw my oldest grow up and move out and the only house my baby remembers. I had once been a homeowner, but after a divorce, a foreclosure, and four mouths to feed and clothe, homeownership was no longer an option. So I had rented. It was a grand and spectacular house on the outside, but as I lived there I learned what the shell had hidden. A house where corners were cut and short cuts were taken so that black mold grew and flourished and sickened my children. Black mold that was hidden in walls and ceilings but burst forth in our last few months of residence.
So I searched for a new rental home for my children. With such a large family many options were out of the question. And being kicked out during the winter provided virtually no options of rentals. So I prayed, and I prayed and I cried out to God. It was all God’s perfect timing. I was down to less than a month and no place to go and God not only came forth with the perfect home to rent but my dream home. The home I had been telling God I wanted all my life.
God is my father. God is my friend. God is my provider. He provided me with a house on a lake, where I can watch the sun set and the son rise. Not only did God provide me a rental house on a lake, it is a majestic lake. God satisfied my desires with a very good thing.
So I had been given my hearts desires over the last four months and I found myself wallowing in misery. The fear of man had overtaken my position on this earth as God’s child. The fear of man had taken the joy that was my strength. What had happened to me? Why couldn’t I find my way to The Bus Stop?
Over the last week, heaven drenched me with unceasing rainstorms. I was challenged by God and I sought answers from man. I didn’t reach for my source of life, I didn’t cry out to the source of my salvation. I thought I walked in faith, but I was weak and very weary. But last night was my turning point, where I found my way back to my new Bus Stop.
I took my new Bible down to my dock that was slipped into the lake earlier in the week. It was the first sunny day. I lie on my blanket and read and pulled myself back into His Word. Then Hope came and joined me. Hope and I took turns reading from two of my favorite books, Song of Solomon and Proverbs. As we read, I interpreted it for Hope. Hope brought me Hope once again.
As the sun set last night, and the loon sang its final song of the evening I said goodnight and goodbye to the fear of man that had creeped into my soul. It was my first sunset sitting on my dock. The lake was still as glass. The birds were singing and the eagle flew overhead at the exact moment the sun set. It was a vision and I spent the rest of the night talking to God and listening to His Words.
I arose this morning and walked out to the same dock and turned my gaze the opposite way. The fear of God was back and permeating my soul. I was going to watch the son rise on this new day. It was a cool, brisk 37 degrees. The songbirds came and danced on the tree in front of me. It was a strong and mighty tree with branches pushing into the water. The waves were blowing from the east, straight at me and pushing into my soul. The songbirds were back on the branches. I felt Jesus next to me. I felt God above me smiling at his daughter who had come back to Him after a hiatus into man’s world.
As I looked at the birds, I thought of Snow White and I laughed. Why would I ever think I was Snow White? I began singing for the Lord to bless my soul and then the laughter seeped into me. The waves were splashing, the dock was rumbling and the son rose in the sky just for me as I heard my earthly father’s voice singing How Great Thou Art. I joined in the chorus.
Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee….How Great Thou Art…..How Great Thou Art. As the son rose, the loon announced the daybreak and the songbirds, with their yellow tipped wings covered the branches of every tree in sight. I laughed with joy and I asked for forgiveness of my trespasses. God answered me as only my Father and God can.
He told me, “You are white as snow again. You are Snow White.” I thanked Him and I looked above my home, my temporary place on earth and a Cardinal, deep red and the color of Jesus blood flew above my abode, covering it with the blood of Jesus.
I am home again. My spirit is cleansed. My words will be His, and my light will shine. My burdens will be few if I give Him the glory. I shall not take on the world again, but I shall let Him lead me. And then all will be well with the world.
I am coming back to The Bus Stop, refreshed and anew after a hiatus of absurdity, with my cup of French Pressed Coffee sitting next to me and a thank you to a Godly friend whose powerful prayers have helped me through this very challenging time.
The fear of man is defeating, the fear of God is invigorating. Do you know the difference?